the search for your very own nyc hole is very, very frustrating. actually, i take this back...it's comical. i got my first taste of what the apt hunt is going to entail.

so...open house today for a large studio on 24th street. GREAT -- by my school, close enough to the gym, familiar neighborhood, sounds like this could be a winner.
5pm -- i'm there! first one to show up. the building looks iffy but i shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. we wait. 5:30 rolls around and i'm in the midst of 30 people waiting for #2B to get their ass here. we solicit every person walking into and out of the building as to the whearabouts of this person, but more importantly, we pump them for studio layout information -- size, maintenance, # of closets, etc. 10 to 6, #2B finally shows her face: "2 at a time," she says. "the studio is very small."

i won't be one of the 30 applicants.

i was down by the jersey shore: destination belmar, nj to a birthday celebration. i don't know why i do this. why do i subject myself to these gatherings? maybe i think that i'll finally figure out how to fit in or perhaps be comfortable about not fitting in. i got stuck with a dentist from philly. i guess our conversations were animated enough to prompt his wife to interrupt several times and then to mark her territory, strategically on him.

the ride down was needed. gave me time to think about everything and sort out my thoughts.

the most deflating feeling is the relief i heard. my permission allowed the weight to lift from shoulders that were already heaped with weeks (maybe months) of confinement.

just try not to be so hard on
yourself when things don't work out exactly as
planned. you can never fully prepare for the learning
process.