how do i want to remember these days? where's the switch that i'm always trying to find? i just want to flip it on and off so that i can get through this period. a period stacked with days filled with restless thoughts. i feel like i'm sitting in one spot, straining to see an unfocused distance, and hoping that i can reach what's out there. i feel as though i'm stuck; i'm immobilized. the only motion is time. will that be enough for me to reach that picture in the distance? maybe this is what life is about. you realize that this is your life. every day that passes is a day in your life. perhaps this is obvious, but it's not... every moment of unease is another building block, like a mosaic tile, that forms my picture.

i'm restless. i have this familar feeling that i'm coming up to the end of something good or to the beginning of something bad. is that the same thing? i'm not so sure. i'm not feeling very sure about a lot of things -- not very sure about my thoughts, and feeling even more unsure about the ones that find a small passage out of my mouth.

warm weather : good

summer swelling : evil

the safety and comfort in being understood. why is this so difficult to believe?

fruit vendors on block corners signify spring is coming to the city. does this mean that i have to give up kkd's for bananas?

He's an intelligent man, but in matters of the heart, he has a muscular stupidity that gives him the strength to go on.

i received such a blast from the past tonight. i used to listen to erasure all the time. i still do. seeing them tonight made me feel young again. i have to laugh -- made me feel young again. well, i suppose that's correct. i started listening to them when i was 13 or so, but seriously when i went to college...so around 16. how to describe this feeling... i think i equate the feeling of youth as being uncomplicated; not encumbered by this need to "catch up" all the time. am i more complicated now and have more complex thoughts? sometimes i'm so complicated i'm confused. and, there are complicated times when i think more simply.

god is my co-pilot

i've seen this band once but was more strucked by their name than their talent. i like the ring to those words. there's something serious and fun about it. i'm in charge of my life but i know that He's there when i need backup.

how sad...the only bright spot of my day is a raspberry filled krispy kreme donut.

deploy -- i can't get away from this word. tv shows, news magazines, and me.

i like how my discman apologizes to me when it skips a beat.