i dog-eared some parts of a book that i am reading.

when i find a quote or passage that tugs a thought, feeling or idea that has rolled in my head, it's like finding a kindred spirit.

...i'd made her work harder and perform better than anyone else, and nothing was ever good enough. i told myself that the unbearable pressure i put on her was my duty to professionalism. in reality, at those times, when i was so uncompromising and harsh, i had almost become my father: unwilling to accept flaws in myself, unwilling to accept flaws in anybody close to me. i saw the pattern, but didn't know how to address it. rather than put v through any more of that, i left her behind.

the endless, agonizing recycling of what might have been, soon followed by a litany of rationalizations and self-deceptions as you struggle to reconcile the void between the person you want to be and the person you fear you are.

the latter is especially powerful. the struggle is a mark of what it is to be human, and is not unique to just one. then why do i feel like a misfit having gone through this...having to still go through this?

i play along with this misconception that blogging needs to be significant, that your thoughts should be provoking and profound. ah...a trap. it's just a journal. a journal of whatever you want. if my readers deem my thoughts prosaic then so be it. who claims to be a fascinating creature? punching some words about my day is just plain nice.

this has not been scientifically challenged but i have a feeling that i'm a yankees jinx. today was my third yankees game. today was the third time i've seen them lose. 0 for 3.

nyc is in the midst of a heatwave. my only cooling treatment is a cold shower right before bedtime. i'm not a fan of the blazing sun. it just saps the life-force out of you. i wish i was daring enough to carry a parasol.