i haven't said anything this year. happy 2004.

i've been feeling quiet. not necessarily uninspired, but just not moved to write on my blackboard.

last night i had such a vivid dream. i dreamt about my grandfather. it felt so real, like one of those dreams where you wake up and for a split second you don't know what is reality. i even tried to close my eyes and replay my dream again; hoping that i could be lulled back to were my unconscious left off.

maybe it's because i just received the cup he brought back from china a long time ago, or the lunch i had with my grandmother yesterday that helped set off my dream last night. or maybe, possibly, it was really him. him telling me that he's still with me, looking over me to tell me that everything's okay and that he is happy. so why am i so sad now? why am i crying for him again? it's because i miss him and i miss being that girl who still had him in her life.